goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize