I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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