It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
