One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
