when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize