saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
