If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
