I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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