What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I need water and some morals
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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