zippers are such a cool invention
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
