I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
