His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
