Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
