I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
