made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
