No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
