Just cropdusted the office
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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