i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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