I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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