it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
