i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
