Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I think I died a long time ago.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
