it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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