Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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