I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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