Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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