I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
