why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
