I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize