It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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