I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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