Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
