ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
