I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
