Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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