so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
