So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
