When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
