he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
