All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
