Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
