I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
There are leaves in my underwear?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
