ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
