Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
