I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
