so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
