He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
