; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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