Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
