Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
