I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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