how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
