he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize