My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize