I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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