I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
