Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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