My girlfriend figured out who you are.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize