oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
