On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
