So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
