Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
