it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
