my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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