just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i think im in europe. pls send help
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