After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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