i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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