Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
