You really coming over, don't trick.
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
