ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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