I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
