bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
