i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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