Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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