My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
