good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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