I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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