Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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