i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
