fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
