I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize