I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
there's paper in my vomit.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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