Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
