I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My ATM looks so different sober.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
