I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize