Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Naked Twister starts at high noon
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
