I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How does one acquire holy water?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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