So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
